"Lose something every day"

At one in the morning, a friend ended a phone call with, "I will see you tomorrow."

I didn't get back to preparing for my presentation on Elizabeth Bishop, and, instead, lay down in bed, too tired to feel connected.

A couple of hours later, another friend texted me, "sorry i went quiet yesterday." Packing absorbed him -- we'll probably never be in the same place again, as the aforementioned friend, he'll be going off campus -- or did he say cleaning?

The overhead light hummed at five in the morning, consistently. It unsettled me, still in bed but wanting to get up. I wanted a friend, someone I know but not so well, to be by my side. I felt weakened by daylight.

What was it that I left behind that I lost? Renewals -- like checking in with a dear friend daily -- affirm me. New things/people/occurrences inspire, keep me wanting. Potential connections keep me wanting to live.

possibilities excite me
they make me love
when i get comfortable with them, though,
often they become defined
and i have to work hard to get them to melt again